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| Its been two years since I've updated this weblog.
I was going back and looking through all of my past entries, and I can safely say, I was one pathetic loser.
Really. Get back to the ones that were written in 05. Those are pretty intense.
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| Charlie got it right kids
xanga is awesome
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| Everyone
I just want to say sorry to all of you. Ive been being a jerk, and treating the people that matter like losers.
I am a loser.
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| I am addicted to sunflower seeds, and they are ruining my mouth, making it raw.
Anyway, here you find me, in front of a computer screen, again typing the words that nobody will read, except for those who will. I read Perks again, and i decided that it will be my last time. although a fantastic book, I feel that there is more grown up books out there that need to be read.
I made a realization today. i found out that i am the type of person who cant handle silence, I must fill every waking moment with either my own voice or laughter. I love the sound of people laughing, it is so comforting, its not really as much as people thinking that your funny as much as an affirmation of people listening to what you said. And even though i watch the comedy channel so much, I cant seem to get enough. maybe its a sign to me to have a carreer change. again i am un aware. i also hate silence beacause its empty space that must be filled. with what is your own perogitive, but its mostly thoughts. thinking is horrible beacause you cant control what your thinking about. its a downer indeed
Prom was this weekend and everyone who went had a good time, I am glad for them, and for those that didnt have a good time, I pity you, beacause there was no reason for you not to have a good time, and you damn well better know that. The years that have already passed you by, they may seem like they have been a long time, but they havent, and you are going to find that they will continue to go by, Fast. Dont believe me? ask your Grandfather. he will tell you how fast the years really go. and if his life was what he thought it was going to be, but you will also find, that they are not dissapointed with thier life, no matter how crappy it was. it was great to them. i guess that is what matters in the end, now isint it?
On the topic of Grandfathers, Talk to one, the wisdom of them is immense, and exciting. in the span of 6 hours yesterday, i learned so much by just being in the presense of one, i learned so much.
i am also wondering on the topic of fate. I know in doing so, i am questioning the very thing that i was meant to believe from day one. do Lovers really meet, Guided by Master planners? Un sure I am, i think that there is too many variables to know, but if the master planners are correct then we end up with who we are meant to be with, and people that are meant to be alone stay that way. or if you can change yourself. if a higher power exists, then you have no power over yourself. but then what does that make me, too bad i dont know, perhaps i dont need to. I was watching a TV show the other day when someone wanted to change, and someone else said "if you want to be different, Be different. act not like yourself, and eventually you will become that, even if you dont feel it. The only person that will know your faking, is yourself" (Hell yeah). But do us as individuals have the power to be different? i actually dont know, i would like to think that we do though
April has been a bad month, I thought i would feel better beacause i knew if my sister was coming home or not, but those feelings of sadness are still there. its too bad but there is not a damn thing i can do about it. Thearpy is not working, i guess i feel that i cant open up to somebody who is being paid to listen, someone who is paid to care. I hate them. if they dont want to care they shouldnt. people are only going to change if they want to, you can pull the finish line as close as you want, but you need to make them cross it.
Normally at this point i would ask you to comment, and do so if you wish, but if you read it would be good enough for me
on a closing note, As much as people ask me to stop chewing on these damn things, i just cant bring myself to stop
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| Xanga is dead, and myspace's blog feature blows
glad to be a strong hold, but i think that i will stop caring for a while cause none of you do
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